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MARTHA & MEL



Dear Gladiola,

As for Martha and Mel, they are somehow made for each other. And there will be more talented, sensitive hard driving people like them. A special prison, a white building without bars and plenty of space to house only the most sensitive high-achieving conflicts. Different colored jump suits (designed by Martha, of soft, fine cloth, and some even with pockets. Pastels. Not orange.)

A creative prison where they will have the opportunity to attend lectures and to talk about serious subjects to each other. I will be the professor director and there are some slightly tainted wardens who could attend to their spiritual developments, hightly qualified academically. Subjects should be various and uplifting. No television. A newspaper of my design with nothing but hard and serious news; no features, no sports, no trivia, no advertising. Nothing having to do with economics or Christianity, only eastern religions. Men encouraged to grow beards. Various up-lifting subjects. They must all grow to love it there, and before you know it they will change for the better and better. oooooooommmmmmm.

They will open out, fulfill themselves, and not want to leave. I think it should be called Gladiola Land. The inmates-we'll call them guests-should first off be encouraged to relax and recover their wits. Sexual arrangements should be encouraged-but nothing permanent. Marriage is forbidden. They themselves will want indeterminate sentences. Twelve to twentyfour months, in a good climate, mountains that would afford fishing and hunting. Martha in charge of catering should be given every assistance. Mel will make a film, philosophical, with some delictible scenes of violence-for love, not for religion. There will be exhibits and visiting lectures about the great religions and philosophical systems.

There will be no walls, but rather deep moots and a drawbridge. The different moots will contain different animals, green alligators, black wolves, brown bears. In this way the guests will have this entertaining and through provoking zoo of their own to contemplate the connection between all creatures.

A separate Hoosegow for Arabs will be worked out on an island in the Philippines where the prisoners will have the opportunity to embrace a revised Islam in more peaceful and loving direction.. There will, of course be a bombing range for suicide bombers, but the bombs will be made of flower petals.

They will be guided by Astrology lessons given by Frank Rinaldi, first on the telephone to get their their interests up, and then we introduce Frank himself as Grand Swami wearing silken robes and a large turban. Rosie goes along to feed and care for him. We will have to drug Frank for the trip to the Philippines and then to the other prison-six months here and six there-always telling him that he is not leaving Nothern New Jersey, just going between Hudson County and Bergen County. He will accept that, even though he has expressed doubts about Bergen County (The Philippines).

And of course he will put on lovely and insipiring dramas, with music. All of which will be wonderfully out of date and interwoven with Astrological significance. The stage will be lit entirely with candles and the actors will add a comic note by sliding around and falling down on the wax.

Finally, there is an annual summer trip for the best and most enthusiastic guests to the south pole and the north pole at Spitsbergen. (The facilities at Spitsbergen I have visited and they are quite good with spectacular views of the northern lights and polar bears and many Palearctic species of birds.)

If by then there are any pregnant women among the guests, and we certainly hope so, they will be introduced to the most beautiful polar bears, who are especially fond of women in the state of gravitance. So, you see, something for everyone...

The happiness. The rightness. I'm sure that Frank and Martha {both NJ Republicans) would get on. Rosie will have a generous assignment to do something or other in London, a place she likes, and can come back and lecture about their theatre in "Old Europe", So Ho, and can show Martha how to make Shepard's Pie and other greasy pub grub.

Everyone should give warm greetings by saying ooooooommmmmm, ooooooommmm. Has a calming effect. DON TEO

S*U*B*L*i*M*E Director

MARTHA & MEL (Part II) Scene: an open field.

Mel is saying the rosary. Martha wanders by picking dandelions, which she puts into one of the pots that she is lugging in a string bag. Mel addresses Martha, pointing down: Kneel, he says. She drops her pots and pans with a clatter and obeys. Mel remains calm, taking the opportunity to eat the dandelions.

Martha, on her knees. Oh Mel, she says, it's wonderful. Mel finishes saying the rosary and puts his beads away. Scene: a court room.

ALL STAND! COURT OF CONSPICUOUS SUCCESS IS IN SESSION. Judge John Calvin takes his place. The jury has already convicted Martha & Mel of conspicuous success in the third degree. Judge Calvin sentences them to spend the rest of their unnatural lives together in North Korea, which has been generously rewarded. (We are told by a somber voice that the CIA informed the White House that long term bad relations with the North Koreans are assured. (In secret, Pyongyang and Washington signal their pleasure and relief to all their allies and enemies, as well as to each other.) Scene: North Korea.

Martha is selling pots and pans in an obscure corner of a department store in Pyongyang. Mel is working as a third assistant technical director for training films on how to be sure that your business remains unprofitable. Some time later.

Martha and Mel have once again achieved great success. Everything they touch fails spectacularly. The North Korean government decorates and rewards them. A hair dressing shop is created only for Martha. They have their own field of green where they meet, Martha on her knees, Mel saying the rosary. They are not a day older. It may be time, says Mel, to introduce the rosary to North Korea. Oh Mel, she says, looking up, they're ready for it. Bring up religious music and gradually fade.

Notice in the lobby of the theatre: "This film may lead to lead to flatulence". DON TEO

S*U*B*L*i*M*E Director

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—— tmp